Unleashing My Inner Awesome

My "journey" through health, fitness and life in general

Archive for the tag “judgement”

Do you need a hug?

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Something I’ve noticed more lately is that for so many people, their view of others is inextricably linked to their own self-worth and sense of self-respect. They judge the living daylights out of people, and more often than not the judgement comes from the fact that what they hate most about themselves is what they see reflected in others. 

A University of Georgia study found that men who are homophobic are also more aroused by sexual photos of other men. I personally believe this is also true of other statements of judgement. The woman who frowns on the weight gain of another is afraid that she will gain weight if she stops the harsh restrictions she has placed on her own diet. The person who judges those recovering from eating disorders for pigging out on cupcakes at 3am has done the same thing, and hates herself for it. 

Judging others merely reflects on our own fears and insecurities. Maybe what we all need to do is to take a step backwards and truly look at what we frown upon, because it is these inner turmoils that tell us the most about our own character and fears. 

It is impossible to love others fully until we love ourselves. The fear that others will see through our imperfections and be turned off by our “true” self happens to so many people so often. But what are we really afraid of? Nobody is perfect. The way of life that works for one is completely unacceptable to others. Love where you are now, today, and not what you will be when you lose those last 5kg, or run that 10k in under an hour, or fit into that perfect dress. There will always be something that can be improved on. Don’t wait until you are perfect before you start living your perfect life.

Oh, and the person who abuses you and calls you names? Give her the biggest hug. She probably needs it most of all. 

Don’t criticise my body.

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So, this photo is obviously not me. Yet. The hair’s totally the wrong colour to begin with. But I want to talk about judgement and making comments on people’s bodies. Any people.

One thing I’ve noticed lately, since I’ve discarded the extra flab that I carried for so long, is that people now feel that they can make comments. “Don’t lose any more weight, you’re starting to look too skinny”. No, actually I’m still 2kg over my healthy BMI range (sorry to mention the dreaded BMI, but it IS a nice convenient measure that applies to lots of people). “Your face is starting to look too thin”. And the one I’ve noticed most frequently lately, “You’ve lost weight!”

No shit Sherlock! Oh, really? I hadn’t noticed! Those are the responses in my head (no, I haven’t verbalised them yet, but I’m this >< close!).

I’d like to know what makes it appropriate or polite to comment on the appearance of someone who’s either thin or has lost a lot of weight (enough to be obvious). If it’s rude to comment when someone is obese, has a big nose, has an arm or leg missing or has a physical appearance that is otherwise slightly different, why is it not rude to comment on everyone’s physical appearance? Would the same people who said to me “You’ve lost weight!” have said “You’ve gained weight!” No, they didn’t. And they’d never even consider saying “Don’t put on any more weight, you’re starting to look a bit chubby”, would they? One would hope not anyway.

So how about we start treating each and every person with respect and dignity, no matter what their physical appearance? How about not commenting on how someone looks, ever? Unless it’s complimentary. How about following Grandma’s old maxim, if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all?

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